behind me, inside me

2006-11-30T02:05:00.000-08:00

The constant humming of the microwave was the only sound that disturbed the utter silence of a still and eerie evening. Inside this gloomy room, this empty space i sat on a chair, my eyes closed, thinking about the evnts that just transpired. Things of the past and a look into my future. The day before I was bitterly scolded by my coach. So many violent words were uttered, his face was red with rage, furious about matters I beleived were not worthy of such exagerated anger. Every respectfulla nd passive response i would make was met by even more words of rage, stern and authoritarian in tone. I was stuned, by the nature of the situation I knew any attempt to explain myself was futile.

The next day the news was out. I was requested by some teamates to narrate my story. I agreed and while sharing my story and hearing their responces I realized the extent of damage yesterdays events had. Though there was no shortage of sweet words of comfort and encouragement still I knew I was in a deep hole. Things were going bad and I had little answers to what challenges were presented to me. Less than 3 weeks before our competitions started I was with an angry coach and i was lost. No plan, no path not even a direction.

DING!!, the micromave alarms and I am awakened in my moment of reflection. Time just slowed down, reminding me how punishing my track event is. I take my food and proceed to go up to my room. I climbed up the stairs and walked into the corrigdors, it was dark as usual but it felt it was darker. It was not a the usual peacefull darkness, it was a lonely and dreadfull darkness. There was a faint glow which I felt signifed darkness eating up the light, consuming the warmth it gave. A cold and pinching wind brushed my skin. The ambiance suggested..hopelesness...but as i took the final turn leading to my room there was this flash of flight. An outcast in the middle of this slumber aura, something that seemed to defy everything else..It was hope...

Another Useless post

2006-11-11T04:23:00.000-08:00

“You have 2 hands and your doing nothing, you should be ashamed of yourself”

This was a verse lifted by my teamate from gray’s anatomy. His response to certain athletes attitude towards defeat and failure.

In The same Context

We are gifted, equipped and blessed by God with numerous skills each beneficial to our well being. One has the ability to shape his future, to set the foundations of tomorrow..to adapt..to change..to fall and choose to stand up again and try never to fall..shame on those who refuse to stand and instead weep and cry and crawl..forever in doubt…forever senseless..forever in pain..

Classes are coming soon..but that’s nothing to worry..even more bothersome is the fact that UAAP is less than 5 weeks from now and I still have an injury. As I write my foot is numb after being in ice for close to 10 minutes..nursing a new injury to my list.. a sprain that has not completely healed since before 4th year High School Intrams

There have just been numerous violent reactions regarding the 43-40 reunion. Honestly I’m quite uncomfortable with the set-up. I don’t know why but maybe it’s the fact that it’s 43-40 that bothers me. Maybe it’s the fact that there will be too many people..maybe something else..i don’t know..

Useless post

2006-11-08T16:36:00.000-08:00

Last MOnday was grade distribution day, the moment of truth for us students of ateneo. I was still hoping not only to pass all my subjects but to get at the least a B(equivalent to 3, 4 is the highest) in 4 subjects. Though I was in doubt and was quite certain I failed one there I was clingin to a itsy bit of hope that I would, well pass evrything. When I received my grades they were good I hit everytarget I set for the semester.B in Socilogy, Law adn economics and a B+ in Communications, D(passing) for accounting which is acceptable(for me). Well I almost hit everything anyway, well it turns out that math teachers and math, specifically Algbra loves mo se much that they decided that I should share another wonderfull smester with them.Haha..I was so close...5, 10 points and I was on my way. It just confirms that I am a math idiot and I'm gifted with something else,but, that's ok..I've learned a lot..more than all my HIgh School Math Classes combined and I am challenged to get at the least a B for math this coming semester.

Thuesday was Reg Day for sophomores. LUcky me I had a preety low Random number, 130, and I was scheduled to register at around 9.I came just in time to fill my reg form, have it signed and line up. I had my self enlisted and paid but as i was walking back to the dorm I met with some of my Blockies and consulted them about our teachers..hmmmm..well 2 of them were for them easy A's..one was all about following requirments and standards and tables and graphs the other was "scary" but OK and the others were TBA...Aha..this gives me an idea...DREAM BIG...I just might...just might be capable of becoming a DL..haha..well it's a long shot..a big drream but if I pursue it well..even if I fall short I know that great things are to come.

After Reg it was training..still resting an injury..I was to do a grueling, tiring and formidable work out routine. I managed o finish 2 sets but my hamstring gave way while runnning the third..well..it was good enough at least I know I can run..haha..Still missing Joboy, his presence is a realy big factor for the team.

Yesterday..we spent the whole morning and part of the afternoon helping fix our lot in cavite. Hard labor for us 3 boys(one was missing)..laying bricks, dismantling the big kubo and trimming trees...phew..tiring..when i got home..i ate rested for around 30 minutes and then did my weights work out for the day..strengten those muscles to be less prone to injury..

Iv'e had my head cleared and relaxed by music..just listen..think happy, positive thoughts..then visualize how you can achive your goals..generaly and first then specific up to the most minute detail..after...One will feel so relax and confident..

UNI GAMES..PICSSSS

2006-10-30T18:43:00.000-08:00

BACOLOD..UNIVERSITY GAMES 2006

Some Bacolod pics lng...hehe

2006-10-30T16:53:00.000-08:00

I’m still feeling the heat, hype, excitement and happiness of the just concluded University Games. For a week athletes from Ateneo, my teamates and I were in Bacolod to compete and also have fun in the city of smiles and boy what an experience it was. History was made as the Ateneo Track Team not only one it’s first medal in the yearly meet but also its best finish ever in any competition it has joined, 3rd place next to powerhouse UAAP teams FEU and UST. As always during and after every experience, everyday, almost every moment given you want to reflect, think about the direction your going, reflect and realize how thing are transpiring around you. Every silent moment and even the loud and rowdy times there is always a split-second at least were you start to wonder. Well below I will try my best to put into words the lessons I have learned, my conclusions, my reflections, thoughts that may both apply to Track and Field and Life.

Pressure- “Some submit to it, great people ignore it, champions thrive on it”. It any sport pressure will always be present. The anxiety, excitement, worries and fear will come even months before your competition. As soon a you have a thought of what lies ahead your heart will start beating faster and thoughts will run thru your head. The night before and during the competition itself if pressure hardest to deal. Pressure and one reacts to it is determining factor on the performance of a person. Will you be weakened by it and give up like most do, will you just ignore it or will you rise up to the challenge, use all the emotions to summon your strengths and inspire yourself to perform at your very best. As in life, the decisions and the paths we will choose to take will be full of pressures, again the question arises will you give in, ignore or thrive. It is vital that we decide according to what we know we can do and not what people say we cannot do. Yes their advice may be a basis but your own realization of self is most vital and will ultimately determine the roads you choose to take, the decisions you decide and the life you want to live.

Importance of Relaxation- During the past or in sports what we call the “non-scientific age” it was believed that pure brute strength was the only way to achieve victory. Well now we know it doesn’t, the brain is now involved in being the strongest, fastest, highest and most powerful. Why am I saying this? Because in a way brute or pure strength in track terms has been made a bit synonymous to running, jumping or throwing in a very tense manner, Being very stiff, flexing your muscles extremely. Being “gigil”. But thru experience I know that this is not the case, one has to relax, be a bit subtle and lessen the tension on your muscles to achieve optimum performance. When one relaxes his movements become more fluid, he tires less and is more efficient. It was said once the relaxation is part of spirituality and I believe it is true. Have you ever had the experience in which you are given a hard task, you are thinking about so much, the consequences, why you are doing it and why you should do it. You feel so tense and your heart is pounding like hell then all of as sudden you remove all those though and focus ONLY on the task ahead and your body loosens up, you breathe a deep breathe and as you do your task your surprised you’ve done so easily. Learn to relax, it will make you think straight, when so much matters think of one the WILL matter. When so many things bother you Focus on the task ahead, RELAX.

Realistic Self-Realization- Knowing were you are, realizing your strengths and weaknesses, your limits. One of my teamates told us that he has accepted the fact that he is only in third place though he was aiming for the gold, this is where the concept enters one knows what to do and how to adjust. Knowing were you will help you manipulate yourself and help you adapt according to the future you want re achieve. Optimism is a good thing but one also has to put in mind what actually is happening and from there build with optimism dreams of the future.

The Will to Win is nothing if you do not have the Will to prepare- every word is true, nothing comes easy. You have to work, sweat, bleed and cry if you want in order to win. This is most true in our sport, you train for half a year just to run 12 seconds, 2 minutes or at most 45 minutes than its all over. But maybe the training is what matters. It build you as a person making the medal a bonus. Having the will to prepare is a greater challenge than mere winning. Here your patience, determination and discipline are tested. Character is developed, what is more important than building one self in principle and virtues, and that is what preparation will do “in everything the will to want is nothing if you have not the will to toil”.

THINK but when all else fails, run with your heart- for most runs the most gruelling part of the race is the final 100 meters. Your muscles are sore, your body stiff, you feel so cold and weak but the race ain’t over, so what do you do? You run with your heart. Your body will tell you your tired but you tell yourself there is still enough. That segment we call takbo ng puso. You swing furiously and try your best to just continue running in the final seconds that seem like hours. One has had the heart to fight, palaban, lalaban, bahala na attitude. Yes to think is vital but over thinking is not, there will come a point that you forget everything and just decide to run the race with everything you’ve got. I ran the 400 thinking of just running it, when it was time I just wanted to run it and when the gun fired I ran…and my team landed 3rd..and I was still running..running with joy.. When someone tells you to run, you do it even with a wound on your foot, a pulled hamstring or any other injury. Your heart will get you there.

Prayer and Talking to HIM is most effective- you know what I mean. in time when you doubt the people around you, when you doubt yourself..never doubt HIM. He is a great source of comfort, he relaxes you, he gives you what you need..I’ve learned that thru prayer I become satisfied with things around me and though I yearn for more what he has blessed me with is enough for me to be happy. He works in magnificent ways, unexpectedly and when you most need it. Pray, communicate with him..IT WORKS

Going together in the same direction is better than going alone- I realized this thru my team, having a common goal has created a team in an individual sport such as track. Everyone ran, threw, jumped and sprinted not for personal glory but for the goal of the team. People drew inspiration not only from their own capabilities but from the smile and cheers of their teamates. A clap, a cheer and roar of approval was all summed up to ignite the fire inside everyone. And seeing everyone sacrificing and set to achieve our goal will further inspire you. Remember that there are people around you, that’s theres and your purpose to harmonize and seek the people you are common to. In a way we were pushing each other to be the best. When you set a goal together, you try to achive it together, the way is easier, the path is clearer, you are more effective and truly you bring out the best in everyone.